Wednesday, November 30, 2005

My powers of pyrokinesis are astounding

Last night I was started smelling smoke and then heard sirens. Looking outside my bedroom window I saw this (a firetruck setting up a ladder reaching to the roof. I was later joined by a few others):


Since I moved to the current apartment I've been willing this building, which is an auto-body repair shop, to burn down or move to France or otherwise just stop making so damned much noise outside my bedroom window so early in the morning. So as I was watching smoke pour out of the windows, I couldn't help but feel guilty for willing this to happen so many times. I later found out that it was arson and there's an investigation looking into insurance fraud, so I think I'm off the hook.

I woke up Faith who was staying in my living room and who was oblivious to the whole thing. She didn't believe that there was a fire until I made her get up and look outside. She responded by going back to bed and falling alseep, despite the sirens, chainsaws, calls from neighbours and shouts from firefigthers. The whole thing wrapped up at about 5:00 AM.

If anything else that's been pissing me off burns down, we'll know that maybe I'm like that girl in "Carrie". I think she was called Carrie or something.

Sunday, November 20, 2005


This is Jenny. Jenny rules. She is standing next to my new favourite graffito which says (for those of you who don't speak French) "Shall we zombie?"


Hell yeah, we will zombie.

Thursday, November 17, 2005


Here's a picture of a picture of my grandpa back in his RAF days.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Respect for one's elders

My grand-folks are pretty cool.

Grandpops (http://www.famouscanadians.net/name/w/wrightjerry.php) is one smart dude. He has 30 patents, a distinguished service award and got a medal presented to him by the King.
Like I said, he's a smart cookie.

As was grandma. She worked as a physiotherapist in Scotland during WWII, which is how she met gramps.

It's really sad to see what the ravages of time have done to them. Last time I saw grandma she made eye contact with me and seemed to respond to my tone of voice. Her Alzheimer's has gotten to the point that she can't even feed herself and has severe aphasia. It's like she's regressed to being only a few months old. She sits in a chair most of the day. She used to be in a room by herself for most of this time because she used to shout gibberish and it was disruptive to the others. Now she's quite docile and mostly sleeps or stares off into space. I really hope she's not cognizent of what's going on. Still, it was nice to see a small part of the once vital, smart and independent woman I remember.

Last time I saw grandpa he showed me all the things in his house of many years he's about to sell. Talk about your walks down memory lane. We looked through some photo albums and he told me some cool shit about his service during WWII and how he revolutionalized aircraft navigation by inventing the R-theta computer. We went to visit grandma together and fed her dinner at her nursing home.

The next day, he told my dad that he'd received a visit from a nice young lady with a car. When dad suggested that it might have been me, gramps said he didn't think so. He remembered who I was while I was there, I think, but he did seem a bit confused towards the end.

I wish I'd gotten to know them better when I had the chance instead of being a snotty brat and thinking their stories were boring.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

get paid to snort blow/get topless

I heard on the radio that Canada's unemployment rate is currently the lowest it has been in 30 years. It's apparently 6.6%, which does, indeed, seem quite low. As part of my public service program, here's some leads I saw in the newspaper a few days ago:

La Senza Lingerie: Fit Model.
La Senza is currently looking for a fit model to join their dynamicteam in Montreal head office. Your main responsibilities will includetrying on samples for fittings and a few hours a week reserved toadministrative assistance for a total of 30 hours a week.
Fit provisions: Approximately 5'7" tall
wears size 36B bra
wears size 9/10 garments
Bust circumference 37-38"
Under bust circumference 30 1/2 - 31"
Waist circumference 28-29"
Hips cricumference (at 8" below waist line) 39" - 40"

Please fax or e-mail your resumé, along with yoru measurements to LaSenza fir dept (514) 684-6127 or dsawyer@lasenza.ca

Can you imagine the job interview? I think they would definitely ask you how many words per minute you can type and then ask you to take off your shirt.

I would like to know exactly why they think that a person with a 28inch waist wears a size 9/10. No wonder all the bras from La Senza fitso strangely.

Also you can get free cocaine from my alma mater:

"Researchers in McGill University's Departments of Psychiatry andNeurology & Neurosurgery are conducting a brain imaging study aboutmen (aged 18-40) who have used cocaine during the past year. The studyinvolves an interview, two or three 24-hour hospital stays, brainimaging and the adminstration of cocaine. Participants will becompensated for their time. The principal investigator is Dr. Leyton.if interested: 398-4015 or mcgillreasearch@hotmail.com"

Sunday, November 06, 2005

They only come out at night..and on public transit















Yeah, we are dressed up and drunk. I want to wear fishnets every day. The skeleton on my right agrees.


But Cruella DeVille is a pretty fun look too. Not pictured is my one dalmatian.

Halloween is such an interesting time. Why do we let our inhibitions down so much?
Do we think that our costumes disguise us much more than they really do? Does the "fall back" to standard time screw up our circadian rythms and give us the illusion that it's always night and therefore one unending party? Or is it all the candy and liquor? What's up, Dead-James-Dean-Guy?

I witnessed some of the best random interactions recently. Was Hallowe'en the culprit?

Child on the bus: MOMMMY I WAAAANT IT? WAUUUUGHHHHH WAGHHHHH AUGHHH!
Mother: shhhh! calm down, you can have it later
Child: But I want it NOOOOOOOWWWW! WAUGHHHH!
Some random woman sitting in a nearby seat: stop it. Stop it! STOP IT! TU M'ENNERVES!!!
Child: (silence)
Mother: (giving the other woman the hairiest eyeball I have ever seen, when really she whould have been thanking her) there, there.
Everyone else on the bus: tee-hee

I also enjoyed the random guy in some sort of purple ceremonial robes. They looked just like the stonecutter robes from that episode of the Simpsons, only with no discernible insignia. Also it was about a week after Halloween, which seems a little late for a costume party. Robes-man got off at my stop and walked off briskly, followed by a drunk woman and me. His robes were flapping about in the wind and the drunk woman yelled at him "whheeeee.... just like a bird"(she made bird flying mothions with her arms and indicated that she was talking about his robes. He responded with an earnest "thank you."

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Even more zombies

This is Jenny. She is awesome. She is standing next to my new favourite graffito. For those of you who don't speak French, it means "Shall we zombie?"

Hell yeah we're going to zombie!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Even more zombies

This is Jenny. Jenny is awesome. She is standing in front of my new favourite graffito. It says (for those of you who don't speak French) "Shall we zombie?"