Thursday, August 25, 2005

Flaming Elephant Penises, juggled by unidentified man

Click on the link in the title to see more blow by blow discriptions of the acts described in The Aristocrats. I just saw it. So goddamn motherfucking good. And delightfully vulgar.
Benjamin, Mark and I seemed to be the only ones laughing. There were not a lot of people in the theatre though. I was the only one who laughed at the line about "we should be less blow-job centric. Look at starfish. They eat each other out all the time. Sure, it takes forever, but they get it done". Maybe it was all in the delivery. Jon Stewart was disappointing. As was Carrot Top showing his ass.

Afterwards I had to call 911. I also got my boob groped in an unrelated incident.

We were sitting around outside and some drunk homeless guys started throwing empty bottles at the road. Obnoxious, but not worth intervening over. Then they started throwing bottles at people, so we felt the need to call in the po-po. They showed up but didn't take anyone in, including the dude who appeared to be cooking up hits. The lack of arrests and brutality allayed some of the guilt about being a tool of the man. Look, I've taken a few too many courses with "anti oppression" in the title to not have a bleeding heart (also, evidently, bleeding stomach lining).

On the way home I helped a middle age blind guy out of the subway. I'm pretty sure he went for the boob by mistake when he was trying to take my arm, so I can easily excuse that. However, when he tried to kiss me as I was saying goodbyeI think that crossed a line. Oh well, at least now when I see him around public transit it will be easy to avoid eye contact.

In conclusion, helping people is for chumps and go see The Aristocrats. According to, the profanity details are as follows:
C-word(14), F-word(87), A*s(38), Balls(4), C*ck(18), Crap(1), C*m(9), D*ck(9), Hell(1), Jesus(3), N*gger(5), Piss(12), P*ssy(9), Sh*t(69), Tw*t(1)

When did "Jesus" become a swear? Also, how come Ass gets bleeped and Balls doesn't? And shouldn't it be N-word? Or is that not as bad a word as Fuck? And why did Snatch not make the list? Who the fuck decides these things? Also, I wonder who gets to count all the swears and how I would apply for that job.


At 8:30 p.m., Blogger glomgold said...

I gotta see that movie. And upon your advice I will certainly not help people.


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