God hates me

Caution: this is mostly complaining.

Like George Costanza, I might not believe in God, but I do when it comes to the bad stuff (just kidding, Big Guy...please don't smite me!)

Now that I think about it, it's not so much God as the government of Quebec that hates me, which is worse. In its infinite wisdom and even more infinite red tape, my government won't give me any Employment Insurance money or my student loan money. This, despite the $39 billion surplus EI is running and parts of my claim actually being legitimate. I am told thatI will have to sue my former employer to get the $45 they owe me and to make them fix my EI claim. Ughh! Just for more fun, I can't get a drivers liscence until I have a RAMQ (health insurance) card. But I can't get a RAMQ card without a the drivers liscence...or something like that. Very confusing. Fuck it, I'm moving to.......the middle of the ocean? Let's try that again...Laos. Not bad. Apparently it's the "land of a million elephants."
Since that Son of a Bush will be in Ottawa tomorrow, it might be a good time to get the hell out of Canada - just as soon as I get my passport.

The fact that a container of spinach dip blew up all inside my purse and all over my cell phone probably had more to do with my shitty plastic containers than the ill will of some sort of omnipotent being.
Regardless of what's responsible, it still sucked and made me cry on the subway. The nice guy who gave me tissues and the busker who was playing three recorders simultaneously (one in each nostril and one in his mouth) cheered me up a little. Sofi and Kem, who helped me wipe the spinach gunk off of everything and fed me tacos, helped a lot. Soon I will think this was all funny, I hope.

So things are looking up. I even finished two papers (nearly half done!). And now I have a swanky new cell phone with a camera in it. If I can figure out how it works, I'll put some photos up.

O-twat and J-Pan

I got back yesterday from Ottawa and a visit with the family.
I mooched soooo much stuff from my mom, but I'm all kinds of poor right now and she didn't mind. She even made me a bunch of fajitas to take to Montreal. Moms rule - mine especially.

It's official, I'm going to Japan! Andrew's brother lives outside of Tokyo and his family is doing x-mas there this year and they invited me along. I'm going from Dec 27th to Jan 10th. Whooot! I still don't know the name of the town he lives in and I know pretty much nothing about Japan, but I'll figure this stuff out as soon as Paper-writing Hell is over.

Start placing your orders for Hello Kitty "neck massagers" from the land of the rising sun now.

You've got to help me, my pussy is burning!

I had just gotten out of the shower and put on PJ's when the fire alarm in my building went off. I grabbed some pants, threw a few valuables in my bag and carried Pantaloons out while Denise opened the doors. Pantaloons did not appreciate the alarm and scratched me up. When we got outside she was shaking in my arms. Denise and I stood around outside and met the few neighbours who thought Pantaloons was cute yet weren't scared off by our constant swearing.

It was sort of cute except that my cat peed on me a bit. She was scared and shaking, so I don't really blame her. I couldn't just leave her in the apartment - what if it was a real fire? I started thinking of how I would have to convince fire fighters to go save her and was reminded of a song by Craig, an evil genius of a guy who went to highschool with me and who got drunk in my house a few times. It's a great track - he looped a crank 911 call of some lady saying "you've got to help me, my pussy is burning!" and made a video for it. (http://www.revolution909records.com/deacon/ go to audio/video and download the music video for "my pussy is burning")

If I have to be peed on, I'm sort of glad that it happens on Rememberance day. Yes, I got cat pee on me and it was gross but at least I've never been shot. I'm currently on the phone with my dad who is talking about my grandfather's part in WWII. Apparently Grandpa was a wing commander in the Air Force, flew Winston Churchill somewhere and was presented Distinguished Flying Cross by King George VI. I actually saw a photo of that. My dad says a DFC is like one down from a VC. Not too shabby, gramps, way to stop the axis.

From the belly of the beast

I'm in Cabridge, Mass, at the moment, usurping Andrew's computer for my nefarious purposes.

I've been bellyaching about America a lot lately, but now that I'm here, I just don't want to think about it anymore. I think it's rage burnout. Or maybe learned helplessness. I think there's only so much fist shaking and teeth gnashing one can really do before giving up. Also my stomach is starting to hurt whenever I get worked up about this stuff, so I'm just going to live in a deluded little bubble for a while and pretend that everything will turn out fine.

Some peeps were handing out pamplets outside of Harvard yesterday for Lyndon Larouche, who lost the democratic nominiation to Kerry. They're doing a webcast tomorrow, Nov 9th at 1:00 EST on www.larouchepac.com about how W. will blow up the US and world economies. Check it out.

Oh, for those of you who want to save a Yankee from Bush land, check out www.marryanamerican.ca. Though I think it's meant as a joke, you never know what nice left-wing Yankee folk you might meet. I'm off to meet mine now. Andrew goes to Mass. College of Pharmacy in Boston and will be done class for the day soon. I like to get there early to try to steal all the oxycontin and methadone they have lying around. No luck so far, but maybe today's my lucky day.

Dear Americans: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?!

It's nearly 2:00 AM, on what has turned out to be one of the shittier days I've had so far. So far NBC has all but called the US election in favour of Bush.

I've heard that 80% of non-Americans support Kerry. I thought it would be even more. Everyone else agress W. is a dumbass, so why, with apologies to my Yankee buddies, is the American populace so damn ignorant? I mean apart from that third rate education system, rampant poverty and ridiculously biased media coverage. The part I really don't understand is that Peter Jennings was going on about how it looks like most Americans put morals ahead of political issues in this vote, yet they seem to have voted for the dude with the questionable morals. W's DUI's and coke snortin' don't exactly make him the Christian posterboy.

Look, I'm getting all verklempt, so I'll give you a topic to discuss amongst yourselves:
If it meant that W. would lose this election, would you have sex with him?

Post a reply and let me know (you don't need an account to do that, just hit "comments" and then post anonymously)

This is me.  

If she doesn't scare you, no evil thing will

Halloween was awesome! I dressed up as Cruella Deville for Friday and Saturday parties. I even made myself a "dalmation" stole out of white fun fur and black sharpies.

My co-stagiere, Vanessa, who was dressed as the paper bag princess, kept singing the song from 101 Dalmations: "Cruella De Vil, CruellaDe Vil. If she doesn't scare you no evil thing will. To see her is to take a sudden chill Cruella, Cruella..." I think that's my new theme.
I want to dress up like that every day- no one sits next to me on the bus and people give me candy.

Today I really cemented my reputation as a crazy cat lady. Now I can avoid neighbours for the rest of the year. Sweet! See, Pantaloons gets really really scared whenever we use the vaccuum. So to keep kitty from hiding behind the TV for the next two days, Denise took her for a walk in the hallway outside our apartment while I cleaned. Pantaloons busted loose and ran down the length of the hall, chased by my crazed roomate, who was apparently yelling "BAD PANTALOONS!" She evaded Denise for a few trips down the hallway. So we switched and Denise cleaned while I got to stand outside the apartment holding a visibly shaking cat while my neighbours refused to make eye contact with me. Just for fun I think I'll leave all the Halloween crap I put on the door until at least Christmas. Maybe some trick or treaters will show up in late November. I'd better keep buying candy to be on the safe side.

I had another run in with my real life Cruella at my old place of employment. Since HR bitch decided to leave a few minutes early, she couldn't give me my last cheque and I can't pay rent today. She is such a douchebag! I think I see some car tire slashage in my near future...but she might not have a car. Maybe I should stick to the classics and just put a flaming bag of dog shit outside her office, knock and run away. Is that a little too obvious?