Does anyone want a new cell phone?

Yay! My student loan cheque finally showed up. No anal probing for me.

I decided to celebrate by cancelling my old cell phone account with Fido (the phone itself having died due to a mishap with spinach dip).

The lady from Fido didn't take it too well.
She thought everything was fine and didn't know I was unhappy. We've been together for 5 years, why didn't I say something, she asked me.
I tried to tell her that it's not her, it's me, but she kept insiting that whatever it was that I was unhappy about she could change.
I said they had no coverage in the USA and she said she could fix that if I'd just give her another chance (and set my phone to "analog")
I eventually had to break it to her that I had been seeing Telus behind her back.
She pretty much called Telus a whore and said anything that Telus could do, she would too.
I said it was too late for that, I had made up my mind and we should both move on.
She begged me to take her back and offered me a bunch of free stuff.
I said I had to move on, so she asked if I could set her up with any of my friends.
Well, breaking up is hard to do.

If you know anyone who wants a free cell phone, $30 credit and no contract, give me a shout, at my new number, lop-0-nip (that's a zero in the middle, not an "o"). The catch to you is that you take over my old phone number and that if you ever want to leave Fido they will guilt you out of it.